Now I’m having mental images of firefighting helicopters dumping gigalitres of the stuff on enemy troops in times of war….

A former schoolfriend perpetrated the worst practical joke I have ever heard of; he was a postdoc at Edimburgh University, researching synthetic pheremones and, for a joke, he sprayed someone with a concentrated version of the scent that draws dogs from miles around towards a bitch in heat.

It doesn’t wash off: dogs detect the smell in parts per billion and the only way to get it off your clothes is to burn your clothes… In another city. Then shave off all your hair and burn that too, and wait for the natural process of exfoliation to shed the outer skin layers which *still* carry detectable traces of the delectable aroma.

The victim took to wearing waders – waterprooof overalls for fishermen standing in chest-high water – which have a handy wipe-clean surface for removing the sticky evidence of excessive canine affection.

Even people visiting his apartment could pick up enough of it from the soft furnishings to get pestered by dogs. It took about a month for things to quieten down.

Very good! Very descriptive and very much like your style.